Category Archives: THE BIG BLEEP

AS TIME GOES BY

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Couple in Bathtub

“The world will always welcome lovers….. As Time Goes By …..”.  (click to play the song while you read the story)

A  sad and sensuous melody wafts in from the Really Old Oldies Station playing on the radio in the bedroom.  The classic melody melts into the candlelight and steam above my sunken penthouse bathtub hidden in the clouds of a Big City Skyline.

Amber tendrils of her dripping hair draw arabesques on golden skin along the supple curves of her torso.  Eyes half-closed, pouting mouth, she tosses her head toward me with a gaze that would light wet firewood. There is nothing in the world but her and me.

Lifting a leg above the water, she rests her foot on my shoulder, stroking my hair and neck, tickling my ear with her pinkly painted toes.  She makes me smile idiotically, yes, please-do-it-ically. I tilt my head to meet her foot with a submissive animal twitch that lets her know she’s my master.bigbleep_NEW-front_cover

Her leg bends slightly.  A rivulet runs down her leg, melting into the canyon between her thighs.  Her heel nestles next to my throat as she massages my temple with her toe. I lift my hand out of the suds to blow her a bubbly kiss. My eyes follow the ruffled waves as they ripple on the shores of her ample, island breasts. Tiny bubbles swirl and burst beneath her nipples like a tiny, iridescent fireworks show.

Slowly her caresses shift, her slick skin slithers on mine, the tip of her toe traces my chin, the contour of my lips.  My eyes loose focus as I submerge myself in sensuousness.  I nibble at her perfect toes, tickling with my tongue. She giggles, then laughs out loud. That sound!  If it was food, I’d gain a hundred pounds!

“Oh, baby…” My voice is a horse whisper. She whinnies and lets her arching foot slide down my pecs.  Her toes dig into my skin, her sole rests on the wild pounding in my chest — she can feel it!  Very still, she listens to my heart with her delicious toes. It’s pumping!  Out of control, like some menacing machine!  We both know where the blood is going now…Shadow, I love you.  Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

She bites her lower lip. Her breathing quickens.  Like a female Captain Ahab, she lowers her boat urgently into the bubble bath scented waves to hunt for the great, white sperm whale.

“Oh yeah, baby. Lower away!”, I say, urging her on.

As the keel of Shadow’s boat rides on the waves of our passion, I hear, in the back of my mind, the voice of Gregory Peck intoning Herman Melville’s immortal words:

“The whale, the whale! Up helm, up helm! Oh, all ye sweet powers of air, now hug me close!  Steady! helmsman, steady. Nay, nay! Up helm again! He turns to meet us! Oh, his unappeasable brow drives on towards one, whose duty tells him he cannot depart. My God, stand by me now!”

The perfumed waves mount into a frothing tempest and splash onto the bathroom floor.  My Moby Dick rams and hoists the shuddering bow of her sensuous ship until her timbers creak and moan, and then explode, giving way to screams!…the same, impassioned screams that have summoned the wandering souls of humanity into the next generation of baby bodies since the Omniscient Creator orchestrated the first primordial conception of homo sapiens in the dim mists of…

“Bbrrrrriiiing!  Bbrrrrriiiing!”

I opened one eye slowly and carefully lurched my aching head up off my desk.  Oh, (Bleep)! I was dreaming again!  A very moist dream.  For the third time this week I’d fallen asleep in front of my computer monitor. I felt like “Johnny Dollar, PI”, in the old radio program I used to listen to when I was a kid, except for the fact that he had an expense account because he worked as a claims investigator for some big insurance company.

I have a lot of expenses, but I didn’t have any accounts.  Every time Johnny walked around a corner somebody hit him on the back of the head and knocked him out.  He spent all of his time trying to figure out who did it and why.  Usually, it was because of some women he was mixed up with. You think he would have learned to stay away from corners.

“Bbrrrrriiiing!  Bbrrrrriiiing!”

The (bleeping) phone was still ringing!  My answering machine picked up the call.  I heard my cleverly conceived marketing message start to play as I looked foggily at the sign painted on the opaque glass of my office door:

The Un-existential Detective Agency of America  (T.U.D.A.A.) !

“We dig up the truth for you”

SAM SHOVEL – Proprietor and Public Dick”

____________________________

Excerpt from Chapter One of  THE BIG BLEEP, a novel by Lawrence R. Spencer

LISTEN TO THE AUDIOBOOK

LISTEN!

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I love to listen to audio books!  It allows me to “read” a book while doing other things, like driving, walking, shopping, washing dishes, vacuuming the floor, doing the laundry, feeding the cat, working out at the gym, sitting outside on the patio, and other “mindless” activities that require very little attention.  I listen to one audio book every week, or more.  You can get a very affordable monthly subscription from www.Audible.com.  Every month you can download one or more books and listen to them on your phone, iPod, iPad, computer, or MP3 player.  Try it for FREE for one month!

You can listen to Samples of Audio books by Lawrence R. Spencer, and Download the entire book from Audible.com

1001 things cover

Alien Interview cover

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Sherlock Holmes cover

The Oz Factors cover

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64 BOOKS I HEARD LAST YEAR

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iphone4_v_screen02-640I stopped watching television.  I refuse to be “dumbed down” by the “vast wasteland” of insidious drivel produced by the “mind-control media”.  I prefer to spend my time with great writers.  Like most writers I read a lot of books.  In recent years I have become a huge fan of audio books! I listen to at least one book each week on my iPhone.

Recorded books are read to you, sometimes by the authors themselves, such as Stephen King or Neil Gaiman, while you do the routine hands-free activities of daily living: driving, grocery shopping, riding a bicycle, jogging, walking, cooking, cleaning, washing dishes, eating and pooping.

There are thousands of recorded books available.  You can start by downloading a FREE AUDIO BOOK from Audible.com.

This is a list of 64 Audio books I personally enjoyed hearing during the last year (many for the 2nd or 3rd time):

The Riverboat Series (5 books) by Philip Jose Farmer

Shantaram: A Novel by Gregory David Roberts

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Series of 6 books, including “And Another Thing”) by Douglas Adams

The Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams

The Long Lost Tea Time of The Soul by Douglas Adams

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams

Ecco Homo by Friedrich Nietzsche

Heresy by S.J. Parris

Prophecy S.J. Parris

Sacrilege S.J. Parris

Touch by Clair North

The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August by Clair North

Escape from Camp 14 by Blaine Harden

Wizard: The Life and Times of Nikola Tesla by Marc J. Seifer

My Inventions by Nikola Tesla

The Art of Happiness by Dalai Lama

Our Occulted History by Jim Marrs

Ubik by Phillip K. Dick

The Hair Potter Series (7 books) by J.K. Rowling

Hyperion by Dan Simmons

The Fall of Hyperion by Dan Simmons

The Domain Expeditionary Rescue Mission by Lawrence R. Spencer

Alien Interview by Matilda MacElroy

Kill Decision by Daniel Suarez

Daemon by Daniel Suarez

Influx by Daniel Suarez

Theft of Swords by Michael J. Sullivan

Hollow World by Michael J. Sullivan

The Republic of Pirates: Being the True and Surprising Story of the Caribbean

Pirates and the Man who brought them down by Colin Woodard

Far Journeys by Robert Monroe

Tao Te Ching by Stephen Mitchell

Off to Be The Wizard by Scott Meyer

Spell and High Water by Scott Meyer

Seize The Night by Dean Koontz

Fear Nothing by Dean Koontz

Ashley Bell by Dean Koontz

Bag of Bones by Stephen King

The John Carter Trilogy by Edgar Rice Burroughs

Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman

The Ocean at The End of The Lane by Neil Gaiman

The Graveyard Boo, by Neil Gaiman

Good Omens by Terry Pratchet and Neil Gaiman

Dune (Series of 7 books) by Frank Herbert

 

JUST DO IT.

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Self-destruction is the antithesis of the survival impulse. Individual life forms are driven by the impulse to survive. But, collectively, Humanity seems to be Hell-Bent on Self-Destruction.  WTF?!  Well, maybe it’s not all what it seems to be.  Maybe there are  a very small minority of beings who want to ensure that the rest of us don’t make it. Our assumption, as socially interdependent beings is that “everyone wants to survive”.  Well, maybe Humanity has been infiltrated by PARASITES who secretly and quietly want to bleed us to death?  Parasites in nature are abundantly present. Bacteria and viruses are some of the most abundant and ancient species of life on the planet.  If you get cut on your leg while walking through the jungle, you will die of bacterial infection, if the wound is untreated.  You want to survive, but so does the bacteria that invades your body and kills it.  So what?  Do you have more right to survive than bacteria?

But, if our natural impulse is to persist through time in our present form, why would we keep shooting ourselves in the foot?

WORLD AS MYTH

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World As Myth

The Number of The Beast, by Robert Heinlein is a series of diary entries by each of the four main characters who describe their travels through time and parallel universes to The Land of Oz, and to Barsoom, the fictional planet (Mars) created by Edgar Rice Burroughs.  In the novel, the Biblical number of the beast turns out to be, not 666, but (6^6)^6, or 10,314,424,798,490,535,546,171,949,056, which is the initial number of parallel universes accessible through the continua device. It is later theorized by the character Jacob that the number may be merely the instantly accessible universes from a given location, and there is a larger structure that implies an infinite number of universes.  As in many of his later works, Heinlein refers to the idea of solipsism, but in this book develops it into an idea he called “World as Myth” —the idea that universes are created by the act of imagining them, so that all fictional worlds are in fact real.

Sherlock Holmes: My Life, by Lawrence R. Spencer is based on the same concept.  In my book, Sherlock Holmes is a REAL person, who lived and breathed.  The stories of his real-life detective investigations were published, without his knowledge or permission, in a conspiracy to defraud and deface the greatest detective who ever lived!  With the very able assistance of his brother, Mycroft Holmes — the most powerful man in the British government — a conspiracy between Dr. Watson, the authors of Peter Pan, and Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, and powerful financial interests, is discovered and foiled!

I wrote the book long before I read The Number of The Beast.  However, I am pleased to discover the “great minds” a like-minded!  Why can’t there be a nearly infinite number of parallel universes?  If one can imagine a universe, you have created it.  It exists, at least for you, subjectively.  Is it possible that Sherlock Holmes and Robert Heinlein could be enjoying an adventure together right in this moment, in a parallel universe of their own design?  Now, THAT would be a really interesting universe!

Another book, The Big Bleep: The Mystery of A Different Universe, by Lawrence R. Spencer explores a similar theme.  It is a universe concocted from the universes of hardboiled “film noir” crime novel by Raymond Chandler, a convention of plants who decide to collectively “hold their breath” to prevent new oxygen from being created in order kill off all the evil humans on Earth, and a conglomeration of pulp comic Superheroes, fighting to help the “heroes” of the story Peter, The Potted Plant (a stand-up comic) and a “Public Dick” named Sam Shovel, owner of the Unexistential Detective Agency of America, to solve the mystery of the murder of Carmel Underwood and rescue humankind from extinction!  Simply stated, The Big Bleep is sort of like a Pulp Fiction version of Columbo riding a Harley-Davidson motorcycle through the movies The Maltese Falcon, Alice In Wonderland and The Wizard of Oz, with a Elvis and bunch of comic book super heroes bouncing back and forth between an X-Rated Universal Studios Botanical Garden Theme Park and a convoluted Las Vegas strip mall in a 5th Dimensional time warp!

The idea that universes are created by the act of imagining them is not new. Every history book in every library on Earth is a fictional universe filled with imagined events created by the conquerors of vanquished nations and extinct species in an imaginary time-line of undocumented fantasy!