Category Archives: 1001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU’RE DEAD

DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF!

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REINCARNATING...BE RIGHT BACK

(Excerpt from the book 1,001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU’RE DEAD: A Dead Person’s Guide To Living )

VISIT A MATERNITY WARD.

If you finally change your  mind and decide to go back to being a baby again, your best chances of getting a new baby body are at a maternity ward. Find a hospital building. Locate the newborn baby section. You may have to wait for a body that is not already occupied, or one that isn’t quite ready to hatch yet. This could take a while.

Or, you may be able to get one sooner by fighting off all the other disembodies beings who are hanging around the hospital trying to get a body for themselves. Why do you think babies cry and sleep so some much when they’re born? They had to kick a lot of disembodied asses to get a body. That’s why they are usually tired and cranky and have bruises, messy hair and blotchy skin!

1001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU'RE DEAD

REINCARNATE YOURSELF AS AN ANIMAL.

Theoretically, you can go back to Earth and inhabit the body of a human being. And, just as theoretically, you can go back to Earth an inhabit the body of a different kind of life form. This could be an interesting interlude.

Many small animals don’t live a long time, like rats and small birds. So, you might enjoy a short excursion as a creature of some kind. There are millions of species to choose from on land, in the air and in the oceans.


For convenience, here is a list of the Top 10 longest lived animals: rabbits – 28 years, bird-eating spiders – 28 years, dog – 29 years, cats – 38 years, goldfish – 43 years, horses – 62 years, birds – 60 to 118 years, elephants – 86 years, Koi fish – 226 years, Tortoise – 255 years!

If you decide to inhabit the body of a different life form you might want to consider their life style and eating habits before you choose.

For example, cats eat rats and mice. That could take some getting used to…. Some birds eat seeds, raw fish, frogs, bugs, garbage and road kill.

Silverback gorillas eat vegetation and they are strong enough to tear a man’s arms and legs off easily. Whales eat plankton, krill, squid, octopus and jellyfish. Dolphins are a fun species. They eat whole, raw fish – guts and all.

Anyway, there are a lot of options. Of course, human beings have been known to eat just about everything under the sun – including ALL of the items AND the animals listed above.”

PREVIEW and BUY THE BOOK …BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!   Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

 

1001 Things to Do While You're Dead | [Lawrence Spencer]
AUDIOBOOK —  (UNABRIDGED) by Lawrence Spencer,  Narrated by Kendra Hoffman

LIE TO ME

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You got to lie to me…. If you don’t, then nothing moves on. This universe is built of lies. Think about it: if everybody always told the exact, whole, unaltered truth about every detail of their thoughts and actions we would all die an agonizing death of excruciating boredom!  Don’t take my word for it.  Try it.  Tell everyone the exact, unaltered truth about what you really think and what you really do all the time. Do it for 3 days. Even 24 hours.  Or, how about 20 minutes?  I dare you! Send me an e-mail and tell me what happened.  lrs@lawrencerspencer.com

Meanwhile, watch this Tom Waits video of his song title “LIE TO ME”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3KnCL0S_Ws&feature=share&list=AL94UKMTqg-9BDxNZOybRbK_np1W_t39Ml

LIFE AFTER DEATH

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LIFE AFTER DEATH“If you attended your own funeral you are probably suffering from the loss of having a body. More important, you may be thinking that you don’t really have any identity or personality without having a body. How will anyone recognize you without your body? Fortunately, bodies are a nickel a million. Five babies are born every second.  So, should you succumb to the ungodly urge to get a new baby body in order to feel a sense of personal identity, you will need to practice being cute.  The only reason people have babies – and keep them – is because they think babies are cute. The same principle applies to all living creatures. So, brush up on looking cute, making cute sounds, doing cute mannerisms, cute smiles, cute laughs, etc..  You’ll need to have your cute skills in top form when and if you get a new body.”

Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.1001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU'RE DEAD

HOW TO PEPARE FOR YOUR REINCARNATION

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breastfeeding-mom-by-mary-cassatt-1906Everyone lives, everyone dies…and almost everyone is reincarnated, usually.  Reincarnation planning is not socially acceptable in Western culture, where most people believe whatever they are told by priests and preachers, who don’t know anything at all about what happens when you die!  However, many people in India, China and Tibet take the whole idea in stride.  However, what very few people do is plan ahead for their next lifetime BEFORE they die!

So, if you are pretty sure you’re going to be coming back (again, and again, and again) as a newborn baby, here are a few common-sense suggestions to prepare everything so you will have a healthy, safe, sane, joyful and secure next lifetime.

The first thing you will need to find is a Mother and a Father.  The Mother is much more important than the Father, so your most careful research must be to find a really good Mom!

A really good Mother should be a woman with the following qualities:

  • Your New Mom must be very aware of the spiritual universe, and be very certain that she knows that you and she are both Immortal Spiritual Beings.
  • Ideally, Your new Mom is someone you love, and trust and admire and desire to be with, and care for, for her entire lifetime, and yours.
  • Your New Mom should be your very best friend, as you will be closer to her and depend upon her more than any other person in the world.
  • She should be wise, educated, and cultured, physically fit and strong.
  • She should be a great cook, and know how to grow her own organic vegetables.
  • She must be a great dancer, artist, and music lover.
  • Your New Mom should be willing and able to communicate with you about anything.
  • She should be an intelligent teacher, a good listener and a student of wisdom and a seeker of Truth.
  • Most of all, Your New Mom should be full of Joy and Love and Compassion for all living creatures, especially You!
  • It is also very nice if Your New Mom has perfect breasts!  (This makes feeding time much more pleasurable.)

Once you have found and created a loving relationship with Your New Mom (before you die, of course) there are a few practical matters to take care of:Mother breastfeeding newborn baby

  • You must go to live near Your New Mom, so that you and she will be able to find each other when you depart from your old body.  You will be a disembodied spiritual being, so you must be very, very certain that you know where she is when you die!  Ideally, Your New Mom will already be pregnant when you leave your old body, so you don’t have to hang around waiting for your next body to be born!
  • If possible, Your New Mom and Father will have a very stable, loving, sensible relationship!  Having a really good Mom and Father is a huge bonus!  You New Dad should be strong, intelligent, athletic, educated, compassionate and fun loving.  It will help  if he likes kids too!
  • Your New Mom should live in a safe, quite, clean and beautiful natural environment where you and she can have a happy life together!

Next, get your legal and financial affairs in order.  Instead of leaving all your hard earned money from this lifetime to your ungrateful kids or your lawyer, plan to leave everything to YOURSELF so you can enjoy it in you Next Lifetime!

  • Arrange your Last Will and Testament to bequeath your money, property, assets, insurance benefits, investments, and any other valuable goods to Your New Mom.  (If,  for any reason, your new parents get divorced you will want Your Mom to have the money to support BOTH of you, so she doesn’t have to go to work for a living, and take you to a stupid day care center or public school!)
  • Make sure Your New Mom has copies of all your legal documents, and financial documents BEFORE you leave the body.

feedingNow, give Your New Mom a number of your special, personal possessions, photographs, and your personal memorabilia  to keep for you.  When you enter into you next body at birth, you will be able to identify these objects.  This will be “proof” that you and Your New Mom can use to verify that YOU and really YOU!  (The Llamas of Tibet use this trick to identify their fellow Llamas after death and rebirth.)

When the Blessed Event of Your Reincarnation draws near, leave your body as painlessly as possible, and hang out with Your New Mom until your Birthday comes!  ( Read the book “1,001 Things To Do While You’re Dead” ) for handy tips about things to do while your waiting for your next body to be born.

Finally, swoop down into the body, assume complete responsibility for it, and for Your New Mom, and begin enjoying your Next Life!