Category Archives: INSIDE THE BOOK

Inside the book, Vermeer: Portraits of A Lifetime. Analysis of all the paintings of Johannes Vermeer. The book reveals for the first time that the women featured in the paintings of Johannes Vermeer were members of his own family, his daughters, his wife and mother-in-law, Maria Thins.

...and other stuff, 1001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU'RE DEAD, ART, FREE ADVICE, INSIDE THE BOOK, POETIC NONSENSE, UNIVERSES

CUTENESS COSTUME

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This Halloween, practice being cute….it may be a handy skill to have while you’re dead….

Excerpt from the book 1001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU’RE DEAD: A DEAD PERSONS’ GUIDE TO LIVING —

“ATTEND YOUR OWN FUNERAL.

When your relatives or public officials get around to disposing of your used body you may choose to attend the funeral. This can be complicated, tedious and disturbing to yourself and other funeral guests. Or it can be a great comfort to you and your loved ones. It’s up to you.

If you are concerned that the used body is disposed of properly you should definitely attend to make sure your final wishes have been followed. You may also want to check to see who is really grieving over your absence, and who is only pretending so they can get a share of your estate, and who came for the free food and drinks.

Reverence for the dead is very important. Especially if you’re the one that is dead. One thing is certain – you will never think of funerals the same way again. If you care about what your relatives or the undertaker is going to do with your used body you will want to stay to the end. This includes the burial, cremation, sprinkling of the ashes, donation to the “used parts” laboratory, or whatever is supposed to be done with your used body.

If you plan ahead you can have your body buried in a vegetable garden, a forest, a flower bed, or fed to the fishes in the ocean. It’s a shame to let a perfectly good source of nutrition for plants or other living creatures go to waste!

AVOID YOUR FUNERAL.

If you are squeamish about autopsies, embalming,  funeral piers, cremation incinerators, worms, bugs or bacteria you may want to stay away until all that messy, bad smelling business is over and done.

However, funeral directors have become quite masterful, over the past 5,000 years, at making a dead body look as good, or better, than it looked when it was alive. A little formaldehyde, a few strategic injections, a little stuffing, nice clothes, cosmetics, a wig and a comfy, silk-lined coffin, your used body can look better than ever!

This is a good reason to stay away as you may be enticed to start thinking about going back. Obviously, it’s too late. Factually, you never were a body and you definitely are not a body now. So stay focused. The future is where the rest of your life will be lived!

PRACTICE BEING CUTE.

If you attended your own funeral you are probably suffering from the loss of having a body. More important, you may be thinking that you don’t really have any identity or personality without having a body. How will anyone recognize you without your body?

Fortunately, bodies are a nickel a million. Five babies are born every second.  So, should you succumb to the ungodly urge to get a new baby body in order to feel a sense of personal identity, you will need to practice being cute.

The only reason people have babies – and keep them – is because they think babies are cute. The same principle applies to all living creatures. So, brush up on looking cute, making cute sounds, doing cute mannerisms, cute smiles, cute laughs, etc..  You’ll need to have your cute skills in top form when and if you get a new body.”

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REALITY IS SUBJECTIVE

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“TOP SECRET

 Official Transcript of the U.S. Army Air Force

Roswell Army Air Field, 509th Bomb Group

SUBJECT: ALIEN INTERVIEW, 25. 7. 1947, 1st Session

“Before you can understand the subject of history, you must first understand the subject of time.  Time is simply an arbitrary measurement of the motion of objects through space.

Space is not linear.  Space is determined by the point of view of an IS-BE when viewing an object.  The distance between an IS-BE and the object being viewed is called “space”.

Objects, or energy masses, in space do not necessarily move in a linear fashion.  In this universe, objects tend to move randomly or in a curving or cyclical pattern, or as determined by agreed upon rules.

History is not only a linear record of events, as many authors of Earth history books imply, because it is not a string that can be stretched out and marked like a measuring tool.  History is a subjective observation of the movement of objects through space, recorded from the point of view of a survivor, rather than of those who succumbed.  Events occur interactively and concurrently, just as the biological body has a heart that pumps blood, while the lungs provide oxygen to the cells, which reproduce, using energy from the sun and chemicals from plants, at the same time as the liver strains toxic wastes from the blood, and eliminates them through the bladder and the bowels. 

All of these interactions are concurrent and simultaneous.  Although time runs consecutively, events do not happen in an independent, linear stream.  In order to view and understand the history or reality of the past, one must view all events as part of an interactive whole. Time can also be sensed as a vibration which is uniform throughout the entire physical universe.”

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Excerpt from the transcripts published in the book ALIEN INTERVIEW edited by Lawrence R. Spencer

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YOU ARE THE POWER

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“I am Oz, the great and powerful! Who are you?”–The Wizard in ‘The Wizard of Oz’

                “If you please, I am Dorothy, the small and meek.”–Dorothy

                 “SILENCE!”–The Wizard

You are_the power

Ultimately, you are the only person who can decide what is true in any universe —

is it black & white like Kansas, multicolored like the Land of Oz, or is it all really just a dream?

The Oz Factors can help you decide what is true for you…

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DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF!

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REINCARNATING...BE RIGHT BACK

(Excerpt from the book 1,001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU’RE DEAD: A Dead Person’s Guide To Living )

“VISIT A MATERNITY WARD.

If you finally change your  mind and decide to go back to being a baby again, your best chances of getting a new baby body are at a maternity ward. Find a hospital building. Locate the newborn baby section. You may have to wait for a body that is not already occupied, or one that isn’t quite ready to hatch yet. This could take a while.

Or, you may be able to get one sooner by fighting off all the other disembodies beings who are hanging around the hospital trying to get a body for themselves. Why do you think babies cry and sleep so some much when they’re born? They had to kick a lot of disembodied asses to get a body. That’s why they are usually tired and cranky and have bruises, messy hair and blotchy skin!

1001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU'RE DEAD

REINCARNATE YOURSELF AS AN ANIMAL.

Theoretically, you can go back to Earth and inhabit the body of a human being. And, just as theoretically, you can go back to Earth an inhabit the body of a different kind of life form. This could be an interesting interlude.

Many small animals don’t live a long time, like rats and small birds. So, you might enjoy a short excursion as a creature of some kind. There are millions of species to choose from on land, in the air and in the oceans.


For convenience, here is a list of the Top 10 longest lived animals: rabbits – 28 years, bird-eating spiders – 28 years, dog – 29 years, cats – 38 years, goldfish – 43 years, horses – 62 years, birds – 60 to 118 years, elephants – 86 years, Koi fish – 226 years, Tortoise – 255 years!

If you decide to inhabit the body of a different life form you might want to consider their life style and eating habits before you choose.

For example, cats eat rats and mice. That could take some getting used to…. Some birds eat seeds, raw fish, frogs, bugs, garbage and road kill.

Silverback gorillas eat vegetation and they are strong enough to tear a man’s arms and legs off easily. Whales eat plankton, krill, squid, octopus and jellyfish. Dolphins are a fun species. They eat whole, raw fish – guts and all.

Anyway, there are a lot of options. Of course, human beings have been known to eat just about everything under the sun – including ALL of the items AND the animals listed above.”

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1001 Things to Do While You're Dead | [Lawrence Spencer]
AUDIOBOOK —  (UNABRIDGED) by Lawrence Spencer,  Narrated by Kendra Hoffman