Tag Archives: birth


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Definition of awkward

1. lacking dexterity, proficiency, or skill; clumsy; inept: the new recruits were awkward in their exercises.
2. ungainly or inelegant in movements or posture: despite a great deal of practice she remained an awkward dancer.
3. unwieldy; difficult to use: an awkward implement.
4. embarrassing: an awkward moment.
5. embarrassed: he felt awkward about leaving.
6. difficult to deal with; requiring tact: an awkward situation; an awkward customer.
7. deliberately uncooperative or unhelpful: he could help but he is being awkward.
8. dangerous or difficult: an awkward ascent of the ridge.
9. perverse (antiquated)


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Thomas Edward Lawrence (16 August 1888 – 19 May 1935) was an archaeologist and British Army officer renowned especially for his liaison role during the Sinai and Palestine Campaign, and the Arab Revolt against Ottoman Turkish rule of 1916–18. The breadth and variety of his activities and associations, and his ability to describe them vividly in writing, earned him international fame as Lawrence of Arabia, a title which was later used for the 1962 film based on his First World War activities.

TE-LawrenceLawrence was born out of wedlock in Tremadog, Wales, in August 1888 to Sir Thomas Chapman and Sarah Junner, a governess who was herself illegitimate. Chapman had left his wife and first family in Ireland to live with Junner, and they called themselves Mr and Mrs Lawrence. In the summer of 1896 the Lawrences moved to Oxford, where in 1907–10 young Lawrence studied History and graduated with First Class Honors.

He became a practicing archaeologist in the Middle East, working at various excavations with David George Hogarth and Leonard Woolley. In 1908, he joined the Oxford University Officers’ Training Corps and underwent a two-year training course.  In January 1914, before the outbreak of the Great War, Lawrence was commissioned by the British Army to undertake a military survey of the Negev Desert while doing archaeological research.

Lawrence’s public image resulted in part from the sensationalized reportage of the Arab revolt by an American journalist, Lowell Thomas, as well as from Lawrence’s autobiographical account Seven Pillars of Wisdom (1922). In 1935, Lawrence was fatally injured in a motorcycle accident.  Lawrence was portrayed by Peter O’Toole in the 1962 film Lawrence of Arabia.



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I’m not getting old any more.  I AM old.   I’m 66.  Jesus F*cking Krist!  Who woulda’ thunk?  Back when I was “young” — (between 18 and 45) I never imaged that I could get to be 66 years old! I thought that’s something that grandparents did.  Well, guess what?  I’m a grandparent too!  F*ck!  When you’re young, you think you’re going to live forever!  Young people think anyone 5 years older than they are are “old”.  For sure they don’t think they are personally ever going to be “old”.  You’re going to live forever, right?  You’re always going to be able to stay up all night and party, have sex whenever you want to, drink and smoke and work and run, play sports and do whatever the hell you want to do, like there’s no tomorrow.  Well, guess what?  It ain’t gonna happen!  When your body gets old you slow down. Aches, pains, arthritis, hip replacements, knee surgery, no sex drive, no hard-on, no wetness where it’s supposed to be wet.

OK, it’s a fact of life…and death.  So, I’m beginning to realize that I’m gonna die sooner than later.  I know that reincarnation is a real thing.  I can remember living many, many times before.  Other bodies, other places, other times.  Being able to remember that I’m an immortal spiritual being doesn’t make the prospect of being born again, in a new body, any easier to confront.  For me, the idea of getting a new body and starting all over again on planet Earth doesn’t sound like much fun.  It’s a Tom Waits moment…. “I don’t wanna grow up”…. This song is an anthem of protest against being “born again”:


“When I’m lyin’ in my bed at night
I don’t wanna grow up
Nothin’ ever seems to turn out right
I don’t wanna grow up
How do you move in a world of fog
That’s always changing things
Makes me wish that I could be a dog
When I see the price that you pay
I don’t wanna grow up
I don’t ever wanna be that way
I don’t wanna grow up

Seems like folks turn into things
That they’d never want
The only thing to live for
Is today
I’m gonna put a hole in my TV set
I don’t wanna grow up
Open up the medicine chest
And I don’t wanna grow up
I don’t wnna have to shout it out
I don’t want my hair to fall out
I don’t wanna be filled with doubt
I don’t wanna be a good boy scout
I don’t wanna have to learn to count
I don’t wanna have the biggest amount
I don’t wanna grow up

Well when I see my parents fight
I don’t wanna grow up
They all go out and drinking all night
And I don’t wanna grow up
I’d rather stay here in my room
Nothin’ out there but sad and gloom
I don’t wanna live in a big old Tomb
On Grand Street

When I see the 5 o’clock news
I don’t wanna grow up
Comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don’t wanna grow up
Stay around in my old hometown
I don’t wanna put no money down
I don’t wanna get me a big old loan
Work them fingers to the bone
I don’t wanna float a broom
Fall in and get married then boom
How the hell did I get here so soon
I don’t wanna grow up”


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“An Atomic Bomb is to the Macrocosm what the ‘Birth Bomb’ is to the Microcosm. Fusion of sexual reproduction is ignited by a chemical stimulant that triggers a chain reaction of cellular division, replication and programmed growth of an organism capable of being occupied, animated, or endowed with Life, and operated by a spiritual entity.  — from The 423rd Standard Edition of The Mortality Mechanic’s Maintenance Manual, Chapter 326.78, Bipedal Biological Replication, Section 42, Paragraph 17, Item 30. Published by Mortality Mechanic’s Collective Press, Chaldaron II, Galaxy Prime Ninety-Two. Reprint Rights Reserved Upon Pain of Death by Decree of The Principle Magistrate of Mortality Maintenance, His Haughty Magnificence, Lord Flemmon-Arth-Mordus III.

Excerpt from the new book by Lawrence R. Spencer, MORTALITY MECHANIC’S MANUAL