Category Archives: CARTOONS

cartoons posted by Lawrence R. Spencer

MY GIRLFRIEND FOUND MY NERD PORN STASH

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

It was like a perfect nightmare scenario. I came into my bedroom to find her standing there, the evidence strewn about her, undeniable proof of my dirty secret. I’d kept them hidden for so long, the things I shamefully stashed away and pleasured myself to when no one was around… but now here I was, busted red handed with it.

I tried to reason with her, suggesting we all have strange little turn-ons that are too weird to tell anyone about in the harsh light of day. But the sheer size and volume of my stash tipped the scales. So she just stood there, looking hurt and confused, two storage containers vomiting all their profane material all over the floor: the complete Lord of the Rings DVD trilogy, a stack of Wolverine comics a foot high, a detailed bust of Iron Man with light-up eyes. And staring up at her from the carpet, a pristine statuette of Han Solo, mid-blaster shot (and looking pretty magnificent, if I do say).

I love that statuette. Oh, the pleasure it has brought me over the years. But how could she understand, this woman with the Catholic upbringing and stodgy taste in fiction? She who had found the new Star Trek, “unrealistic,” and “pandering.” Unrealistic? She would never understand… but that didn’t make the look on her face any less humiliating – a mix of disgust and pity, mingled with disappointment.

And that wasn’t all. With fresh horror it dawned on me that I didn’t remember to clear my browser cache, and once she had found the Batman novelties and Battlestar souvenirs, she went straight for the hard drive. And, of course, all my fetish sites were listed there: TheOneRing.net, Dark Horizons, the Stargate fan page…

I tried to turn it around. I put on my seductive smile, cooed a little bit. ‘Come on baby,’ I said. ‘Just give it a try – a lot of couples are into it. Let’s just give it a shot, we’ll go slow, and if you don’t like it, we’ll stop. I’ll play the first 15 minutes of ‘Aliens vs. Predator,’ and if you aren’t comfortable, we’ll just do it regular, and watch Letterman.’

She called me, “a little twisted with all of this,” and mumbled something about her mother being right, but I wasn’t willing to give up, and within three days I was warming her back up. I started out easy, with ‘The Princess Bride,’ and left an extra copy of a magazine with Viggo Mortensen on the cover lying around the place. Lastly, I resorted to that gateway drug for all female fantasy haters – a rented copy of ‘Twilight.’ The hook was set. I bought her the book, and not two weeks later I was able to talk openly about the Hulk (both comics and movie) without reprimand, followed closely by an animated conversation about the upcoming Hobbit films.

When she actually said the words ‘Peter Jackson,’ my penis stood up a little, and the goal, I suddenly knew, was to complete the ultimate conquest: to get her into a replica of the Princess Leia bikini from ‘Jedi,’ and screw the bejesus out of her.

The course wouldn’t be easy. First I’d actually have to get her to watch the film, and then introduce the notion of role-play into our sex routine. Simple was best, I knew, and I offered to do my Christopher Walken impression while feeling her up just to get things off the ground. I asked her to do Marilyn’s ‘Happy Birthday’ seduction from the Kennedy years, and I think it was my spot-on JFK accent that sealed the deal. Last would be the costume…

Ebay is a wonderful thing. You can get a stuffed, mounted moose head from Alaska, and you can get finely-crafted faux-metal bras and panties from a fanboy in Scandinavia. And, more to the point, with the exposure of your nerd-porn, a few months work and a little persistence, you can get your girlfriend to pretend to be your love slave on a replica Tattooine slave barge and screw her ‘til the Jawas come home.

(by Haphestus Foster – Artist: Liva Rutmane)

70 CANDLE KARMA

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

70 candle karmaI was inserted (as a Spiritual Being) into my current biological body on August 12, 1946, at the hospital in Albion, MI at 2:14 p.m..  So, as of today I have ridden the “Earth Ride” 70 times around the Sun. Another day, another Karmic Candle on the Cake of Life.

I have a vivid memory of viewing the green forests of central Michigan from about ten thousand feet above Earth seconds before “swooping down” into my “new body” 70 years ago.  This image is intensely real to me!  I have no slightest doubt that this was the moment at which I was “inserted” into the body I have inhabited during this lifetime with the name given to me by my parents: Lawrence Rodney Spencer.

After than moment the first “sentient” memory I have is of sitting in a high-chair being fed canned peaches by my mother at about the age of two years. I remember this moment as being the first time I asserted my personal opinion, and therefore, me identity.  I told my mother that the fruit she fed me were pears.  She insisted they were peaches.  I belligerently insisted that they were pears (knowing they were, in fact, peaches) in an effort to assert my “rightness”.  My mother was so upset by my argument that she began to cry in frustration. I was delighted to have created such a dramatic effect on my mother…on the one person who completely controlled me life. At that moment I knew that I was a unique individual. I was “me”!

During the intervening years since the birth of my body I have struggled to comprehend “who I really am”, a quest infinitely more painful than birth as it transcends the elements of time, space, energy, matter, and life itself.  I have always had a profound sense that “something isn’t right” about being stuck inside a biological body.  Indeed, I sensed that that being on the planet Earth was fundamentally wrong, and seriously fucked up!

When my body was young and physical fit (i.e. able to work all day and fuck all night) I was certain that I was, like most stupid human animals, invincible and physically immortal.  Now that my 70 year old body is crippled by arthritis and immobilized by a lifetime of cumulative work and sports related injuries I have become alarmingly aware of my personal and imminent physical mortality!

Moreover, as I have regained more awareness of my personal spiritual immortality, I have come to realize that I am NOT a biological entity, and that the planet Earth is not my “home”.  I am quite certain that the entire “physical universe” is nothing more than an illusory construct of the cumulative, agreed upon illusion created by the collective thoughts of all immortal beings who share the opinion that the physical universe is “reality”.  I have also become aware that this is nothing more or less than my “personal opinion” based on my unique and peculiar “point of view” within the context of what I consider to be my own, “personal reality”.  I am equally certain that my “reality” is only one of approximately 8 billion others on Earth.

During my current lifetime I usually held the opinion that any individual on Earth, as a spiritual being, was fundamentally transcendent, powerful and able to control their environment and their own, spiritual destiny.  After 70 years of observation, experience and evaluation I’ve discovered that this idea is bullshit.

Nicola Tesla, probably the most profound inventor, intellect and idealist in the history of Earth, summarized the human condition as follows:

“The human being is a self-propelled automaton entirely under the control of external influences. Willful and predetermined though they appear, his actions are governed not from within, but from without. He is like a float tossed about by the waves of a turbulent sea.”

I puzzled for many years about the “reasons why” for this statement until I discovered the subject of Vedic Astrology.  I discovered, to my alarm and dismay, that our entire spiritual and biological existence on Earth is predetermined by a mathematical matrix that combines physical planets and mathematical constructs called “constellations” into “programs” that determine our thoughts, behavior, perceptions, emotions and destiny.

The book Alien Interview reveals that the Vedic Hymns were brought to Earth in the Himalaya Mountains of Northern India about ten thousand years ago by an extraterrestrial invasion space force called The Domain.  Coincidentally, the highly precise spiritual and mathematical science of Vedic Astrology, i.e. the technology of understanding the machinery of the “prison planet matrix” of Earth is manifested and revealed.

When I consulted a Vedic astrologer about my personal “program”, as pre-programmed and revealed by the exact date, time and physical location of my body birth, I asked him the following question:

“Is between lives amnesia caused by the loss of a biological body, and all of the pre-programmed behavior connected to it?”

His answer:  “Yes”.

When a being enters into a new body a new “program” begins based on the exact day, time, physical location of the body birth.  Conversely,  the program associated with the dead body disappears with the dead body, along with all memories associated with it, and replaced by a new program.  Memories associated with the dead body and it’s programming are replaced in the attention of the being with the programs and physical demands of a new body in a new location in a new lifetime.

Hypothetically, a being could avoid all of this confusion, turmoil and amnesia simply by avoiding the assumption of a new baby body on Earth.  “Avoid The Light” that beckons the being into a new program of biological imprisonment on Earth.  This theory sounds simple.  However, I have not personally met a being who has successfully avoided reincarnation, or the influences of the Astrological Programming associated with the solar system of Earth.

Karmic Fate or self-determination?  The Alien Interview transcripts tell us that Is-Bes who are incarcerated in biological bodies on Earth no longer possess the spiritual volition to choose their own lives and destiny.  Until we raise ourselves above the state of “human being”, or some invasion force dismantles the Astrological Programming machinery, we’re stuck here for the Rest of Eternity.  I don’t know if the information in this book is true or not.  However, it is something I’m thinking about today, as I conclude 70 years of incarnation in my current body.

As I begin another trip around the Sun I am hopeful that we can find ways to make our lives more enjoyable during the next 70 years than they have been since we were transplanted to Earth from other times, planets or universes.

— Lawrence R. Spencer,  August 12, 2016