Category Archives: POETIC NONSENSE

Poetry by Lawrence R. Spencer. Poetic nonsense by Lawrence R. Spencer and others. Haiku poems by Lawrence R. Spencer.

WAYS TO MAINTAIN HEALTHY INSANITY AT WORK

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1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair  Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It “In.”

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Sexual Favors”

7. Finish All Your Sentences With “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”

8. Don’t Use Any Punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party because You’re Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won! I Won!”

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling

“Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”

20. Copy this and Send an  E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile..   It’s Called Therapy…

AN IDIOT IN THE 33rd DEGREE

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twain2

In November of 1905, an enraged Mark Twain sent the following superb letter to J. H. Todd, a salesman who had just attempted to sell bogus medicine to the author by way of a letter and leaflet delivered to his home. According to the literature Twain received, the “medicine” in question — called “The Elixir of Life” — could cure such ailments as meningitis (which had previously killed Twain’s daughter in 1896) and diphtheria (which killed his 19-month-old son). Twain, himself of ill-health at the time and very recently widowed after his wife suffered heart failure, was understandably furious and dictated this reply to his secretary, which he then signed.   

twain1

Transcript follows:

Nov. 20. 1905

J. H. Todd  
1212 Webster St.
San Francisco, Cal.

Dear Sir,

Your letter is an insoluble puzzle to me. The handwriting is good and exhibits considerable character, and there are even traces of intelligence in what you say, yet the letter and the accompanying advertisements profess to be the work of the same hand. The person who wrote the advertisements is without doubt the most ignorant person now alive on the planet; also without doubt he is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree, and scion of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link. It puzzles me to make out how the same hand could have constructed your letter and your advertisements. Puzzles fret me, puzzles annoy me, puzzles exasperate me; and always, for a moment, they arouse in me an unkind state of mind toward the person who has puzzled me. A few moments from now my resentment will have faded and passed and I shall probably even be praying for you; but while there is yet time I hasten to wish that you may take a dose of your own poison by mistake, and enter swiftly into the damnation which you and all other patent medicine assassins have so remorselessly earned and do so richly deserve.

Adieu, adieu, adieu!

Mark Twain

_________________________

REPOSTED FROM:    http://www.lettersofnote.com/2010/01/youre-idiot-of-33rd-degree.html

YOU ARE THE POWER

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“I am Oz, the great and powerful! Who are you?”–The Wizard in ‘The Wizard of Oz’

                “If you please, I am Dorothy, the small and meek.”–Dorothy

                 “SILENCE!”–The Wizard

You are_the power

Ultimately, you are the only person who can decide what is true in any universe —

is it black & white like Kansas, multicolored like the Land of Oz, or is it all really just a dream?

The Oz Factors can help you decide what is true for you…

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