Category Archives: FREE ADVICE

Free Advice about Life, Universe and Other Stuff from Lawrence R. Spencer

BE BEAT: TALK LIKE A BOHEMIAN HIPSTER

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Plenty of phrases from the first self-described hipster generation have lasted into modern conversation: people still get bent out of shape, annoying people bug us and muscular guys are still built, just to scan the b-words. Here are 26 words and phrases that don’t get much use today, but are worth sneaking into conversation.

1. A shape in a drape
A well-dressed person. “Usually she just wears jeans, but she sure is a shape in a drape in that dress.”

2. Bright disease
To know too much. “He has bright disease. Make sure he doesn’t rat us out.”

3. Claws sharp
Being well-informed on a number of subjects. “Reading Mental Floss keeps your claws sharp.”

4. Dixie fried
Drunk. “It’s Friday and the eagle flies tonight. Let’s go get dixie fried.”

5. Everything plus
Better than good-looking. “He wasn’t just built, he was everything plus.”

6. Focus your audio
Listen carefully. “Shut your trap and focus your audio. This is important.”

7. Gin mill cowboy
A bar regular. (A gin mill is a bar.) “Cliff Clavin was the _flossiest gin mill cowboy of all time.”

8. Hanging paper
Paying with forged checks. “I hope that chick who stole my purse last week goes to jail for hanging paper.”

9. Interviewing your brains
Thinking. “I can see you’re interviewing your brains, so I’ll leave you alone.”

10. Jungled up
Having a place to live, or specific living arrangements. “All I know is that he’s jungled up with that guy he met at the gin mill last month.”

11. Know your groceries
To be aware, or to do things well. (Similar to Douglas Adams’ “know where your towel is.”) “You can’t give a TED Talk on something unless you really know your groceries.”

12. Lead sled
A car, specifically one that would now be considered a classic model. “His parents gave him their old lead sled for his sixteenth birthday.”

13. Mason-Dixon line
Anywhere out of bounds, especially regarding personal space. “Keep your hands above the Mason-Dixon line, thanks.”

14. Noodle it out
Think it through. “You don’t have to make a decision right now. Noodle it out and call me back.”

15. Off the cob
Corny. “Okay, some of this old Beat slang is kinda off the cob.”

16. Pearl diver
A person who washes dishes. “I’m just a pearl diver at a greasy spoon, but it’s a job.”

17. Quail hunting
Picking up chicks. “I’m going quail hunting and you’re my wingman.”

18. Red onion
A hole in the wall; a really crappy bar. “I thought we were going somewhere nice but he just took me to the red onion on the corner.”

19. Slated for crashville
Out of control. “That girl’s been in college for five minutes and is already slated for crashville.”

20. Threw babies out of the balcony
A big success; interchangeable with “went down a storm.” “I was afraid the party would suck, but it threw babies out of the balcony.”

21. Used-to-be
An ex, a person you used to date. “I ran into my used-to-be in Kroger’s and I looked terrible.”

22. Varicose alley
The runway in a strip club. “Stay in school or you’ll be strutting varicose alley, girls.”

23. Ways like a mowing machine
An agricultural metaphor for impressive sexual technique, from the song “She’s a Hum Dinger” by Buddy Jones. “She’s long, she’s tall / She’s a handsome queen / She’s got ways like a mowing machine.” (Let us know if any of you ever successfully pull this one off in conversation.)

24. X-ray eyes
To understand something, to see through confusion. “That guy is so smart. He’s got x-ray eyes.”

25. Yard
A thousand dollars. “Yeah, it’s nice, but rent is half a yard a week. Let’s jungle up somewhere else.”

26. Zonk on the head
A bad thing. “It stormed all night and we lost power, but the real zonk on the head was when hail broke the bedroom window.”

These were collected from Straight From the Fridge, Dad: A Dictionary of Hipster Slang by Max Décharné and A Historical Dictionary of American Slang. The first is exceptional in its completeness and worth purchasing if you love dictionaries, and the second is free online and easily searchable. Try them both!

Read the full text here: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/141912#ixzz26iRs1Nlk
–brought to you by mental_floss!

ABRACADABRA!

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abracadabra

ABRACADABRA

“By Abracadabra we signify
An infinite number of things.
‘Tis the answer to What? and How? and Why?
And Whence? and Whither?— a word whereby
The Truth (with the comfort it brings)
Is open to all who grope in night,
Crying for Wisdom’s holy light.

Whether the word is a verb or a noun
Is knowledge beyond my reach.
I only know that ’tis handed down.
From sage to sage,
From age to age—
An immortal part of speech!

Of an ancient man the tale is told
That he lived to be ten centuries old,
In a cave on a mountain side.
(True, he finally died.)
The fame of his wisdom filled the land,
For his head was bald, and you’ll understand
His beard was long and white
And his eyes uncommonly bright.

Philosophers gathered from far and near
To sit at his feet and hear and hear,
Though he never was heard
To utter a word
But “Abracadabra, abracadab,
Abracada, abracad,
Abraca, abrac, abra, ab!
‘Twas all he had,
‘Twas all they wanted to hear, and each
Made copious notes of the mystical speech,
Which they published next—
A trickle of text
In the meadow of commentary.
Mighty big books were these,
In a number, as leaves of trees;
In learning, remarkably— very!

He’s dead,
As I said,
And the books of the sages have perished,
But his wisdom is sacredly cherished.
In Abracadabra it solemnly rings,
Like an ancient bell that forever swings.
O, I love to hear
That word make clear
Humanity’s General Sense of Things.”

~ Jamrach Holobom

from THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY by AMBROSE BIERCE, written between 1888 – 1906

_____________________________

AbierceAmbrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story “An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge” and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil’s Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto “Nothing matters”, and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work.  In 1913, Bierce traveled to Mexico to gain first-hand experience of the Mexican Revolution. While traveling with rebel troops, he disappeared without a trace.

 READ THE ENTIRE TEXT OF THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY