Category Archives: 1001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU’RE DEAD

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CUTENESS COSTUME

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This Halloween, practice being cute….it may be a handy skill to have while you’re dead….

Excerpt from the book 1001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU’RE DEAD: A DEAD PERSONS’ GUIDE TO LIVING —

“ATTEND YOUR OWN FUNERAL.

When your relatives or public officials get around to disposing of your used body you may choose to attend the funeral. This can be complicated, tedious and disturbing to yourself and other funeral guests. Or it can be a great comfort to you and your loved ones. It’s up to you.

If you are concerned that the used body is disposed of properly you should definitely attend to make sure your final wishes have been followed. You may also want to check to see who is really grieving over your absence, and who is only pretending so they can get a share of your estate, and who came for the free food and drinks.

Reverence for the dead is very important. Especially if you’re the one that is dead. One thing is certain – you will never think of funerals the same way again. If you care about what your relatives or the undertaker is going to do with your used body you will want to stay to the end. This includes the burial, cremation, sprinkling of the ashes, donation to the “used parts” laboratory, or whatever is supposed to be done with your used body.

If you plan ahead you can have your body buried in a vegetable garden, a forest, a flower bed, or fed to the fishes in the ocean. It’s a shame to let a perfectly good source of nutrition for plants or other living creatures go to waste!

AVOID YOUR FUNERAL.

If you are squeamish about autopsies, embalming,  funeral piers, cremation incinerators, worms, bugs or bacteria you may want to stay away until all that messy, bad smelling business is over and done.

However, funeral directors have become quite masterful, over the past 5,000 years, at making a dead body look as good, or better, than it looked when it was alive. A little formaldehyde, a few strategic injections, a little stuffing, nice clothes, cosmetics, a wig and a comfy, silk-lined coffin, your used body can look better than ever!

This is a good reason to stay away as you may be enticed to start thinking about going back. Obviously, it’s too late. Factually, you never were a body and you definitely are not a body now. So stay focused. The future is where the rest of your life will be lived!

PRACTICE BEING CUTE.

If you attended your own funeral you are probably suffering from the loss of having a body. More important, you may be thinking that you don’t really have any identity or personality without having a body. How will anyone recognize you without your body?

Fortunately, bodies are a nickel a million. Five babies are born every second.  So, should you succumb to the ungodly urge to get a new baby body in order to feel a sense of personal identity, you will need to practice being cute.

The only reason people have babies – and keep them – is because they think babies are cute. The same principle applies to all living creatures. So, brush up on looking cute, making cute sounds, doing cute mannerisms, cute smiles, cute laughs, etc..  You’ll need to have your cute skills in top form when and if you get a new body.”

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“Paranormal” is “Normal”

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The word “paranormal” or “surrounding normal” is used to refer to things or phenomenon that are unusual, weird, frightening, unknown and bizarre.  The term is most often used to categorize “spirits” or “spiritual phenomenon”.

However, the ONLY thing that every person, living entity and all of existence has in common is SPIRIT.

ALL of existence is a spiritual creation and activity.  What could be more “normal” that that?

Lawrence R. Spencer

March 11, 2011

1001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU'RE DEAD, ART, FREE ADVICE, LIVES

IMAGINE NON-EXISTENCE

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“The Self-conscious mind cannot imagine non-existence.”

David Paul Cronenberg, OC, FRSC (born March 15, 1943) is a Canadian filmmaker, screenwriter and actor. He is one of the principal originators of what is commonly known as the body horror or venereal horrorgenre. This style of filmmaking explores people’s fears of bodily transformation and infection. In his films, the psychological is typically intertwined with the physical. In the first half of his career, he explored these themes mostly through horror and science fiction, although his work has since expanded beyond these genres. He has been called “the most audacious and challenging narrative director in the English-speaking world.” — Wikipedia.org

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HANG OUT WITH DEAD CELEBRITIES

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“Have you ever been at a party and someone asked you, by way of pretending to be conversational, “If you could spend a year on a desert island with 5 people from history, who would you chose?”

Now you can spend the rest of eternity with some of famous celebrities – if you can find any.

When you’re dead, how do you communicate with other spirits? This is a good question. This is also a question that you must answer before you will be able to find celebrities to hang out with.

There are many, many variables involved here: some celebrities you might like to hang out with may have returned to Earth long ago.

Maybe they already lived 17 more lives as other identities since having lived as the celebrity you are familiar with. During those lifetimes they may not have become famous.

What if you met Napoleon, but you don’t speak French?

What if the celebrity forgot that they were a celebrity in a previous life and changed careers? Like Elvis. What if he went back to Earth and became a used car salesman in Iowa or a truck driver in Bangladesh?

One of the most famous people in history was Sir Isaac Newton. What if Isaac spent his next 4 lives as a horse? Or, what if he’s still hanging around the tomb where his body is buried at Westminster Abbey?

Newton’s monument can be seen in Westminster Abbey. It was executed in white and grey marble. The monument features a figure of Newton reclining on top of a sarcophagus, his right elbow resting on several of his great books and his left hand pointing to a scroll with a mathematical design.

Above him is a pyramid and a celestial globe showing the signs of the Zodiac and the path of the comet of 1680. The Latin inscription on the base translates as:

“Here is buried Isaac Newton, Knight, who by a strength of mind almost divine, and mathematical principles peculiarly his own, explored the course and figures of the planets, the paths of comets, the tides of the sea, the dissimilarities in rays of light, and, what no other scholar has previously imagined, the properties of the colors thus produced. Diligent, sagacious and faithful, in his expositions of nature, antiquity and the holy Scriptures, he vindicated by his philosophy the majesty of God mighty and good, and expressed the simplicity of the Gospel in his manners. Mortals rejoice that there has existed such and so great an ornament of the human race! He was born on 25 December 1642, and died on 20 March 1727.”

If someone built a monument for you and said all those nice things about you on your gravestone?

Perhaps he was tempted to hang around there and bask in the glory of his own mythology!

Or, since he was such a smart guy, maybe he figured out how to break the cycle of birth, death and rebirth and went somewhere “over the rainbow” where he could enjoy a more pleasant existence.”

— Excerpt from the book 1001 THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU’RE DEAD, by Lawrence R. Spencer