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NOTE TO IGNORANT AMERICANS:  CUT and PASTE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING PHRASES INTO THIS HANDY GOOGLE TRANSLATOR LINK TO COVERT THE TEXT TO ENGLISH)

Like most Americans your probably don’t speak “foreign” languages.  To help you identify yourself to the “natives” in a foreign country you will find the following phrase useful while travelling abroad.  Just speak the phrase S..L…O…W…L…Y in the appropriate language from the following list.  The “natives” will understand that you are an American and will render the appropriate assistance to you:

SPANISH:  Soy un ávido, sediento de sangre, santurrón hipócrita.

FRENCH:  Je suis un avide, sanguinaire, bien-pensants hypocrites.

GERMAN:  Ich bin ein gieriger, blutrünstig, selbstgerechten Heuchler.

DUTCH:  Ik ben een gulzig, bloeddorstige, zelfingenomen hypocriet.

RUSSIAN:   Я жадный, кровожадные, самодовольные лицемером.

CHINESE:  我是一個貪婪，嗜血，自以為是的偽君子。

POLISH:  Jestem chciwy, żądny krwi, obłudny hipokryta.

GREEK:   Είμαι άπληστος, αιμοδιψής, φαρισαϊκή υποκριτής.

SWAHILI:  Mimi ni tamaa, simba, self-haki mnafiki.

HINDI:   मैं एक लालची, जालिम, पाखंडी पाखंडी हूँ.