HOW TO START A RELIGION FOR FUN AND PROFIT IN 10 EASY STEPS |

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Report that you have been visited or inspired by a “Divine Being(s)” or an extraterrestrial philosopher who revealed to you, personally and privately, an Omniscient, Omnipresent, Omnipotent, Omnivorous, Omni-Nom-Nom-Nom Big Spirit or Spirits who claim responsibility for having created the god-awful mess we call The Universe.
Swear under pain of death that the Big Spirit or Spirits is/are THE ONLY source of Eternal Life, Mystery, Power, Creation, Love, Beauty, Equality, Joy, Peace, Benevolence, Bliss, etc., etc..
Give your Big Spirit(s) and/or philosophy an impressive sounding name and add the suffix “-anity” or “-ism” or “-ology”. Examples: The Big Bubba, Omnomnomnom, Zoultron, etc.. Examples: Prescient Eschatology, Powerism, Blissanity, etc..
Write one or more “sacred” books espousing the mythology that you allege has been revealed to you about the origin and/or characteristics of the ONLY Big Spirit(s) and an esoteric philosophy about your personal feelings and opinions about life, universes and sex. And, don’t forget to have a graphic design artist draw up some complex and esoteric symbols to add a sense of authentic antiquity to reinforce your mythos.
Recruit a bunch of soulless human begins who lead pathetic, hopeless, confused lives and who are gullible enough to think that spiritual qualities exist in the physical universe. Explain that your Big Spirit will not point out to them that they are the cause of their own misery due to stupidity, irresponsibility, greed, duplicity, lust, etc.. Now you are armed with the necessary propaganda needed to indoctrinate, frighten or coerce them into becoming “Con-verts”. (Human beings will believe almost anything if they think it will give them a way to escape responsibility for their own thoughts and actions!)
Designate the most perverted, pathetic, duplicitous, holier-than-thou “Con-verts” to become priests or “Pre-verts”. The job of the “Pre-verts” is to create more “Con-verts” by frightening and brow-beating innocent by-standers into buying and reading your “sacred” book(s).
Have your “Pre-verts” promise the most gullible “Con-verts”, who are not aware that there is absolutely no hope of anything except pain, misery, agony, death and betrayal on Earth, that when they fanatically agree with the tenants of your philosophy they will be transported to a “Paradisiacal Afterlife”, provided that they PAY a lot MORE money to the “Pre-verts” who will “intercede” on their behalf with the Big Spirit(s) to guarantee that they will receive permission to continue living forever as a Ghost in the Paradisiacal Afterlife when they die.
Have the Pre-verts tell the Con-verts that they are the ONLY people who really know “The Truth” because the Big Spirit(s) have “chosen” them to be one of the very few members of “The Secret Society of The Only Ones Who Really Know The Truth and Everyone Else Is Evil”. And, tell them that if they ever stop “believing” they will suddenly become “Evil” and be barred from the Paradisiacal Afterlife forever, and ever! Do NOT explain what and where the Paradisiacal Afterlife will be. Let them use their own imaginations and keep them guessing.
Take some of your profits and use it to pay the “Pre-verts” to build massive and beautifully extravagant temples, gold statues, shrines, monuments, etc., in tribute to the philosopher who thought up the Big Spirit. And, make it the job of the “Pre-verts” to write beautiful rhetoric, music, chants, rituals, incantations, sacrificial ceremonies, etc., to get the gullible “Con-verts” to come and give them MORE money. (People always pay for glitz and glamour.)
Open one or more off-shore bank accounts and pay the government officials to give you exemption from paying taxes as a “non-profit”, benevolent, do-gooder, organization. Use some of the money to hire the best attorneys money can buy and pay off government officials to defend yourself from legal actions brought against you by former “Con-verts” for all the fraud, theft, sexual molestation, etc., perpetrated by your “Pre-verts”. Take the rest of your profits and live a life of ease and luxury until you die, get another body, and start all over again as a “believer” in a Big Spirit(s) that someone else invented.

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